Ian Alexander is sifting through the signatures on a 34-year-old Bristol Rovers shirt, looking for clues about the identity of teammates with whom he shared the most important day of his career.
The 61-year-old remembers little of the 1990 Leyland Daf Trophy final at Wembley Stadium, other than being carried off on a stretcher before half-time following a cynical challenge from Tranmere’s Neil McNab, though that injury pales in comparison to the severe brain damage he sustained during his 13-year career.
Alexander was diagnosed with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a neurological illness thought to be caused by repeated hits to the head, and physicians gave him a two to six-year life expectancy. His health has deteriorated dramatically since then, with visits to see his beloved Rovers becoming increasingly difficult due to anxiety and panic episodes, and the risk of swallowing his tongue limiting him to a soft-food diet. Within 20 minutes of a poignant, hilarious, and life-affirming morning in his company, the soft-spoken Scot starts repeating himself.
Despite this, Alexander considers himself “lucky” because he now has a diagnosis, which provides clarity after years of doubt, bewilderment, and anxiety. Alexander underwent scans after receiving a chance email from the Bristol Rovers Former Players Association in January. His wife, Janet, is hoping for a dementia diagnosis on the NHS, which will allow him to receive medicine for the terrible headaches and tremors that frequently keep him awake. His medication is confined to paracetamol.
Since being diagnosed with CTE, Alexander has joined a group of approximately 20 former footballers suing the Football Association for brain injuries sustained during their careers, with the families of the late Nobby Stiles and Joe Kinnear also involved in the high court case. The majority have maintained their anonymity, but Alexander, in speaking with the Guardian, is the second former player to do so, following Aston Villa’s Colin Gibson, who won the European Cup in 1982.
“I just want more people to know about brain injuries suffered by footballers,” Alexander tells me. “I don’t care about making money from it. I simply want to get the word out. About six months ago, I was in a pub with four or five former players. I was telling them about my troubles, and they remarked, ‘That’s strange; it’s happening to me too.’ There must be a lot of them. I just want to assist educate them so that more of them seek help.
Alexander’s issues began a few years ago, when his failing memory rendered his profession as a painter and decorator impossible. Frequent visits to the doctor exacerbated his frustration. He was constantly told that his symptoms were just the result of old age, despite the fact that he was in his fifties.
“I’d be at a site painting, go out to get some lunch, and when I came back I’d have no idea where I was supposed to be,” Alexander recalls. “I’d return to the wrong room and begin painting somewhere else.” It got to the point where I couldn’t continue.
“I went to see doctors in Glasgow a few years ago and told them I didn’t feel right; I was depressed and anxious. They simply stated that it was old age. They only said to me, ‘You’re becoming old, you’re going old.'”
Alexander’s symptoms have worsened significantly thereafter, and he relies largely on his wife Janet for assistance. The love, support, and good humour in their Bristol house are apparent, and the couple also cares for Janet’s daughter Carla, who is certified disabled due to severe arthritis.
“I look after her, and she looks after Carla,” Alexander replies, smiling. “I tell them not to worry about me!”
Janet suffers from fibromuscular dysplasia, which causes her to be blind on her right side, and she is a very exceptional woman. Janet’s life has been built on care and courage; she lost two daughters to cystic fibrosis when they were young adults, yet she expresses no animosity as she explains the family’s plight.
“I look after Jocky [Ian] and he looks after me,” she’s saying. “He still enjoys attending football games, but it may be overwhelming at times. He merely gives me a nod and we depart. The Rovers supporters adore him and everyone want to talk to him, which can be exhausting. I can’t even go through the grocery when he visits; shopping takes hours!”
“We need to go shopping together because she doesn’t trust me,” Alexander explains. “The other day, she sent me out for milk and bread, and I returned with a full tank of fuel! My phone is now like a grocery list. Every time I leave the house, I need a checklist to ensure that I return safely.
“Sometimes I go to open the fridge and just stand there, not knowing what I’m searching for. I’m on a soft-food diet now, so I’m not sure why I’m in the refrigerator in the first place. My meal has to be diced up like a baby’s. Apparently, my brain is not giving the correct instructions to my tongue, thus I’m not swallowing properly. “I have choking episodes.
Alexander started his career as a centre-forward with Rotherham United under former England captain Emlyn Hughes, then moved on to Motherwell and Pezoporikos Larnaca before becoming a Rovers legend.
Gerry Francis, the manager, converted him into a right-back, but he was occasionally used up front, when head confrontations with rival centre-backs were regular. His medical records suggest that he suffered at least four major concussions during his career, including one terrifying event in an FA Cup first-round game against Fisher Athletic in 1988, when he swallowed his tongue.
“I nearly died on the pitch once,” adds the player. “The ball was played up to me right away, and a centre-half hit me. There was a crash of heads, and the next thing I remembered was being in the hospital. I had swallowed my tongue and half of my denture plate. They said I was only 20 or 30 seconds from death.
“That happened on a Saturday, and I was back to training by Wednesday. I was meant to play the following Saturday, but Gerry said he would give me another week off, so it was a week before I returned. I didn’t consider the hazards. Wasn’t it my job? You absorbed the blows, got on with it, and went again. Now everything is coming to light.”
Alexander admits that Rovers didn’t have a doctor at the Fisher game. “The referee shouldn’t have started the game because the doctor wasn’t there,” he claims. “The club doctor was stopped in traffic, so I didn’t see him until I was in the hospital. We never saw a doctor; only physiotherapists.
“If it hadn’t been for Roy Dolling, the club’s physio, I would have died. I swallowed my tongue, and my denture plate cracked, sending half of it down my throat. He used to have a bit of metal in his kit bag. “He flipped it down and pulled out my teeth.”
Alexander fondly remembers his football career, albeit he is saddened by what it may have cost him. “I had a good life, but looking back, I think I could have a better life now,” he admits. “I am paying the price now. I played 299 games for Bristol Rovers; I was not good enough to reach 300!
“We won the [Third Division] league in 1990.” Bristol City finished second, so it was quite a year. We too made it to Wembley that season, but were defeated in the final by Tranmere. I played at Anfield, St James’ Park, Ibrox, and Parkhead. I had excellent days and good times. I made some nice buddies.
“The doctors gave me two to six years, but they say I’m in great shape. I am not going to give in. I’m going to fight it to the finish. My wife and children form a solid support system for me. And as the word spreads among Rovers fans, I’ll have their support as well.”
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